Help Your Husband to Be Affectionate

If you want your husband to be more affectionate, make sure you are meeting his 7 basic relationship needs then give him extra affection. Each item on the sensuous affection page is important to consider as a way to light his fire. Affection begets affection, but the affection must be given in ways that can be understood and appreciated. Remember that men are visually oriented when it comes to affection. This means that if you smile, are feminine and graceful in your posture and movements, dress nicely, slim down if necessary, and do whatever else it takes to look attractive and healthy, your man will find it easier to feel your love and affection for him, and to show you affection in return.

Here are some additional pointers to help you to help your husband become more affectionate.

Reward his attempts, and give positive feedback

When your man gives you affection the way you like it, or if he even gets close, reward him with positive reinforcement—a wink, an admiring look, an expression of sincere appreciation or admiration, a smile or more. This will get you much farther with him, at least in the long term, than will criticism. While positive reinforcement will improve his confidence in his own efforts to be affectionate and increase his desire to please you, criticism will do the opposite. Be positive, patient and sensitive to his feelings.

Tell him what he does that you especially like, and how it makes you feel. Never belittle or make fun of his attempts to be affectionate.

Insist on being his one and only

Your husband should rely on you to satisfy all of his desires for feminine affection. Let him know that you want to be his sole provider, then do your part. Also let him know that you expect him to do his part, which means not looking lustfully at other women. As he saves his eyes for you, he will become more appreciative of your feminine beauty. If he needs help in this matter, get him Every Man's Battle or a similar book on the subject.

Don't distort or bias your tastes with voyeurism

Sensual scenes in romance novels, soap operas and movies can distort your tastes and bias your expectations, leaving you less satisfied with anything your real man attempts.

Research has shown that attractiveness between the sexes is subject to a perceptual contrast effect. This means, for example, that if you read romance novels and daydream about the irresistible men described in them, your husband's qualities will seem bland in comparison. On the other hand, if you were to read accurate descriptions of real men, selected at random from your neighborhood, your respect and admiration for your own husband would probably increase. On a practical basis, this means that you will be immediately more satisfied with your real man if you avoid fanciful descriptions of irresistible men. In the long term, as you become more satisfied with your man, you will find it easier to be affectionate toward him. Your affection for him will make it easier for him to show more affection for you.

The choice of romance is the choice of reality over voyeurism. Just as no real woman can stand up against enhanced images of enhanced woman designed to captivate the male brain, no man can stand up against the fanciful descriptions of men mentioned above. Your man has his own desirable masculine qualities, but they will be harder or impossible for you to see if you are comparing him with memories of fanciful men. Enjoy the things he does to please you. Never compare his behavior with that (real or imagined) of any other man. Enjoyment and comparison cannot coexist.

Turn off the television and work on your own reality show. Nothing on television is as good as the reality that is possible without it.

Keep your mouth kissable

You are likely to have bad breath on a regular basis unless you make a special effort to prevent it. Most bad breath is caused by bacteria on the tongue and at the gum line. To get rid of the bacteria under the gums, floss meticulously at least once daily and brush carefully, paying special attention to the gum line. To remove the offending bacteria from your tongue, brush the sides and upper surface (all the way back), then rinse and repeat again until your tongue is pink.


A warm physical environment promotes warm behavior. For example, research has shown that when people are given a warm rather than a cold drink, or a warm rather than a cold object, they are more likely to show generous behavior toward others.1 Try some hot chocolate, a warm fire, or an electric heater.

1“Experiencing Physical Warmth Promotes Interpersonal Warmth“ by Lawrence E. Williams and John A. Bargh, Science 322:606-607 (2008).

Direct your attitude and fantasies

Your mind is molded by the thoughts you choose to entertain. Direct your fantasies to work for you rather than against you. If you think often and long enough that your husband is dull and inconsiderate, he will be. On the other hand, if you frequently focus your mind on his good qualities, you will begin to see more of them, and his undesirable qualities will be less annoying. Let him and the things he does that please you be the sole subjects of your romantic fantasies. As you do, he will become more desirable.

Starve the fantasies you may have of other men and behaviors. You starve a fantasy by refusing to let it occupy your mind. Whenever it comes into your thoughts, say to yourself “I don't want to think about that” and immediately think about something else. A starved fantasy will eventually fade away, leaving you more satisfied with reality.

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