Meet Your Wife’s Need for Sensuous Affection
First, read about the need for sensuous affection if you have not done so already.
A wife needs sensuous affection like a plant needs water. Without it, her feminine, romantic nature will shrivel and die. She can be freely affectionate with you and meet your need for sensuous affection only as you meet her need. Learn how to give her sensuous pleasure, then give her plenty.
Men and women are very different in how they perceive sensuous affection. She is probably more attuned to verbal stimulation, and less attuned to visual stimulation than you are, and she needs plenty of non-sexual affection (both verbal and tactile) before she can fully enjoy intimate physical affection. She needs to be touched in ways that are pleasurable and reassuring to her. She needs to be hugged warmly and tenderly, and often. She needs to hear tender, loving words sincerely spoken. She needs to see your loving smile. As with any emotional need, her need for affection is met only when she feels that it is met, not when you do.
Smile
It’s easy, quick, and inexpensive, yet very powerful. A woman can read a thousand words by the light in your eyes and the expression on your face when you look at her. Give her a wink or a loving smile to tell her in language stronger than words how you feel about her. It will have an impact. Never look at her in an unkind way or try to manipulate her through anger or intimidation.
Let us always greet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.—Mother Teresa
Put your arm around her or hold her hand
By putting your arm around your woman, you can give her sensuous affection and a sense of safety at the same time. Put your hand on the small of her back or on her opposite hip as you walk together, or put your arm around her shoulders as you sit next to her. Women can be comforted and reassured by holding hands with their husbands.1
1“Lending a Hand: Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat” by James A. Coan, Hillary S. Schaefer, and Richard J. Davidson, Psychological Science 17:1032 (2006). Summarized at PsychCentral.
Give her a hug
Give your wife a real hug at least once daily. Use both arms to pull her close and gently for at least 7 seconds while you speak words of appreciation to her or look lovingly into her eyes. This will warm a woman’s heart as fast as anything.
Give her a foot, shoulder or back rub
Use lotion, massage oil or mineral oil (baby oil). Talk and listen to her as you help her relax, with nothing expected in return.
Give her kisses of admiration and appreciation
Give her simple kisses on her lips frequently. No special preparation is required. Kiss her when you leave for work, when you return, at bed time, and spontaneously at other times. The frequent connection with you will comfort her and reassure her that you are all hers. Kiss her in public once in a while. It will show her that you are proud that she’s yours.
Communicate
Talk with your lady about her need for sensuous affection. Ask her what she likes. She’s better than any instruction manual. There are three relationship characteristics that distinguish sexually satisfied couples from unsatisfied couples: 1) acceptance of oneís own sexuality, 2) listening to oneís partner and being aware of a partnerís likes and dislikes, and 3) open and honest communication.1 Openly and lovingly discussing your mate’s and your own desires and expectations can help develop all three of these characteristics in your marriage.
1Sex: Real people talk about what they really do. New York: Penguin Books (1994).
Study up on love play
A strong sexual relationship is a vital component of a strong and enduring romance. If you want a fulfilling sexual relationship with your wife, learn how to fulfill her. She will be more willing to please you if she feels your first priorities are her pleasure and needs. Sex was created for marriage, not only for creating children, but also for binding husband and wife together in enduring romance. For a discussion of healthy sex in marriage, or sign up for
Generous Husband Tips, or read And They Were Not Ashamed.
